God!

I'm sick of this bullshit. What is this malfunction with the teenage mind that everyone else except for me seems to have?

"I have a very controllable problem but am too lazy to do anything about it. I want to kill myself."
"Don't get involved in shit that's not your business."

And the classic:

"I'm upset."
"Why?"
"I don't want to talk about it."
"What the hell - why did you bring it up in the first place?"
"I don't know"

God, I'm so easily annoyed by these huge little things that people do. Yes, huge little things. That's not a typo. I'll explain myself.

Huge little things are things that people do and say that piss me off A LOT and it's not a big thing. It's not just a small "pet peeve" anymore. It bugs the crapshit out of me. So I'm going to create a set of rules you need to abide by if you want to be associated with me.

1) Don't tell me you're upset if you're not prepared to tell me why. If you're going to say something to me and not going to elaborate on it then don't bother telling me.

2) If you have a problem with yourself that can be fixed, don't sit and complain about it - TAKE ACTION

Digression: This reminds me of the commercial that aired during the 2004 elections. There was a piece of trash on the floor and all the people stood around it complaining that people littered everywhere - but no one bothered to pick it up until one guy came back and did it himself.

3) Don't bullshit me. I can tell when you're lying. Please, if you feel the need to lie to me about something, at least have the decency to have a reason for it. If you just have no reason for lying whatsoever, just fucking stop talking.

"I'm a pro MLG player for Halo"
"Dude, you freaking suck at Halo"
"...So?"

4) You're white. You have internet. You have a computer. You have a house. You have food (even if you CHOOSE not to eat it). You have parents, and guess what - THEY LOVE YOU. Stop bitching about life. Go to Darfur and back.

5) If I have a deadline to do something, don't give me a bad attitude, especially if I'm doing you a favor by doing it. It's just going to un-motivate me, and I'll probably end up doing a shitty job just to spite you.

A good example of this would be during the production of The Wiz. I wasn't getting any credit or benefit by doing this play - yet she got PAID just for being there. Don't sit there and give US the bad vibes. People didn't show up because they didn't want to be there. The people that DID continue to show up are passionate about what they do to the point where they will endure you, even if they don't do a good job of it. I give you credit though, you're doing a better job this year, even though I'm not there too often to see it.

That's about it for now. If people all over the world would just stop doing these simple 5 things, I could possibly be a 50% happier person.

Happenings...

There's not really much going on at this very second, except for the fact that I have a shit load of work to do for the upcoming month. I guess what they say is right - the more work you do, the better it is at the end. If I can get all the housework and crap done, and the website, AND the crap Ms Gittings wants us to do for I.E.s, I can go to Rent and Survivor Series and have an awesome time. The website is the lowest on my list of priorities at the moment, mainly because I get a minimum of a B- if it completely sucks so I'm not TOO worried. But an A will do wonders for my GPA.

Then there is my housework which I need done. My mother is coming down on me like crazy. She just got engaged to James, which is cool and all, but... I find it really hard to care mainly because I don't care about James + all the other crap I have going on right now. Either way, engagement means I have to be nice to her for a couple of weeks. So I'm going to go ahead and slave myself around the house. THEN there is the I.E. stuff, which is at the top of my priority list right now, mainly because I have a lot of work to do on this play (30 pages of romantic tragedy, FTW), AND I have to sing with Chelsea R. and Evan. Me - I can't sing. Not worried. Evan? He can't keep a beat or stay on key to save his life. Worried. Chelsea? Doesn't make a good Mimi, personally. Not worried. I'm just doing it for a grade at this point. I WISH I could do duet acting or something, but meh... this is more fun. I don't have to actually work to memorize everything. Evan does a little bit, and Chelsea has to memorize one line and repeat it. So this is quite simply the easiest thing we can do right now.

It's also been a very eventful week with drama between friends (that, thankfully, I'm not involved with). It's like a soap opera for me - it's awesome.

It's like watching a soap opera

If only I could go back in time...

I went over to Aventura today. Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and live THAT life instead of the one I'm living now. With Alex, Jesse, Josh, Ralphy, Danis... a certain individual whose name I will not mention at this point in time. Everything was so happy then, even though back then I didn't feel it too much. Back then, if I could have looked ahead into time into NOW, I would never have wanted to grow up. I had such high expectations of myself back then. Now look at me.

I'm fat, I have no job, I'm on the verge of not graduating and I'm not working toward my goals. Some future for little 6th grade Chris. I feel sorry for him.

I feel sorry that 6th grade Chris is going to grow up to be me. I would go back in time and slap him around a bit for being so depressed all the time. I would tell him to stop being a pussy with Chloe. I would tell him to stop being a PUSSY with Raquel. I would tell him to stop being so insecure with himself. I would tell him to fucking BE HAPPY - because it goes downhill from there.

A letter to 6th grade Chris:

You need to love where you are right now. Nothing is going to make you happier. You're going to start dating Danis, which is probably going to be the happiest time of your life. Fucking enjoy it, because it won't last. Moving to Connecticut is going to be one of the worst decisions of your life. You're going to come back from Connecticut and everyone is going to change toward you. You know what that's going to lead up to? Grandpa Al is going to die. Yep, that's right. Right in the middle of your stressful 8th grade year. You know what's going to happen then? You're going to move up to Davie (that's near Ft. Lauderdale) - and you're going to hate it there. You're going to hate everything about it. You're going to hate that it feels like these people are TRYING to be like the people in your old life. You're going to hate how immature they are. You're going to hate Tori at first, then gain a little bit of a friendship with her - then you're going to hate her again. You're going to start being really good friends with Mike, but then you're going to try to stop associating yourself with him because he starts to do drugs. Yep. Drugs. You're going to start dating Danis again, but good luck... you won't see her too often. It'll end that way. Then you're going to move on to high school to some of the worst 4 years of your life.

So, 6th grade Chris, why don't you grow the fuck up already. Why don't you stop being depressed and feeling sorry for yourself because Chloe won't go out with you. Guess what? It's not going to happen. Yeah, she's going to find out you like her. You know what she's going to do about that? She's going to go out with your best friend. You fucking little prick. I now see why no one would date you back then. YOU'RE A FUCKING PUSSY. Yeah. Get fat. Eat some more you fucking pussy. Get fat. You know what's going to happen then? Even more people are going to NOT DATE YOU.

Fuck you, you little prick. You ruined me.

Fuck the police. Fuck - fuck - fuck the police.

So today, we celebrated Frankie's 8th birthday. I won't even go into detail. Just think of a typical 8-year old's party. Everything was fine.

A little while after the party ended, there was this huge black guy that walked in and tried to sell drugs to some of the other guys that were at the pool. Well, my mom called the police, and an officer showed up. By this point, I was about ready to grab Luis' truck and drive home. Well, I was sitting in the driver's seat, and we were all talking to the cop. My mom finally asked, "Are you driving the car home?" "Yeah." Then my mom tells the cop, "Ask him for his license." So then the cop turns to me, "Where is your license?" I joke around, "It's... at home." Cop, "You're not driving this without a license." Me, jokingly, "Psh, it's a private property." It was very clear that it was a joke, as I was smiling and played around about closing the car door on him.

At this point, the fucking cop had his hands on the gun, and was like, "Watch how fast I take you to jail." I quickly explained that I was just joking. I stuck around for about a minute to listen to their boring conversation, then went back into the pool area to help Luis clean up the rest of the deck. I was STEAMING about this cop's arrogance. Luis told me to not let it get under my skin, which pissed me off even more. It was even the cop's air-headed bullshit that he spat at me, it was my mom, and her clear point that she doesn't trust me driving anything.

I just want to fucking scream in her face sometimes. I'm going to be 18 in 12 days, and this woman still refuses to teach me how to drive. I don't WANT her to waste money on driving school. Not only that, I just don't have time for driving school. It's fucking pointless. Why take driving school when I can have someone I know teach me in my spare time, and for free? The fact that my mom played off my anger as this big huge joke that I took so far did nothing but further piss me off.

This woman has the nerve to call me 12 times with, "Are you mad at me?"

What the fuck do you think? You're just as arrogant as that dumb cop, who probably falsely arrested someone on more than one occasion.

I take a deeper thought into it, and it just does more to piss me off. If my mom wasn't so goddamned lazy, I would probably have my license so we wouldn't have to worry about me getting a ride to and from night school, so I would graduate on time. My mother's laziness is the thing that's holding me back. My mother's laziness is the thing that's keeping me from going right now to get an agent and start auditioning all over the city. My mother's laziness is the thing that's keeping me from doing what I love doing in my life. My mom's laziness is keeping me from just saying "fuck it" and doing it all myself - because she refuses to teach me how to drive.

She calls again, "Chris, come on, are you pissed at me?"

Why don't you figure it out yourself. That's what I've been doing for 15 years.

I don't even want to deal with you anymore

I am not emotionally prepared to deal with anyone else's bullcrap, nor do I even want to hear about it.

Maybe it's just my maturity level (it not being high enough) but I get ANGRY inside when I hear about people talking about their problems and how much their life sucks.

I was angry then, and I'm angry now.

Mickey, if you ever read this, I take back our confrontation. You had every right.

From the deepest part of the back of my mind...

I haven't updated in a long time. I don't think there's any need to add the whole story of what happened to an entry - I'm never going to forget it.

So what are my responsibilities for Assistant Director for this production?

Making sure people show up to auditions. There are about 9 characters, 6 people showed up to this play.

There is something I am sincerely going to worry about over the course of this production. Why to people tend to crave power or control when they are clearly not the ones who are supposed to be wielding it? I am the assistant director and you are the actor. Yes, I am talking about our Drama Club president.

She is the most condescending person I know.

"If you can hear me, clap once! If you can hear me, clap twice! If you can hear me, clap three times!"

This is not a KINDERGARTEN CLASS! This is a group of adults discussing what they are passionate about. But our sponsor loves her. You know why?

She has the biggest lips for kissing ass I have ever seen. She doesn't even try to hide it.

But now, I'm in control. I have power over her, and I am not going to use it to seek any kind of vengeance on her. I am going to use it to keep her mouth shut when it needs to be shut.

I'm putting all of my energy into this production, and I am not letting her take over. At all. Whatsoever. She can appeal to our sponsor if she wants to, but that won't get her anywhere. If she has a problem with it, she can appeal to our Stage Manager who, quite frankly, shares my opinion. If she doesn't like THAT, then she can feel as free as she wants to leave and not return the following rehearsal.

This production will NOT bomb. This is NOT going to be another "Wiz". This is NOT going to be another "Once On This Island". I refuse to let that happen.

I am working with a group of people that I trust can help me make the production all it can be, without stressing me out to the point where my grades start to fail.

That's also an impossibility. I can not screw up this year or I WON'T GRADUATE. Yes, you read it right. Somehow, my credits are a complete, disorganized mess, and I can't contain them. In order to get them back on track, I need A's. A lot of them. I need to work my ass off for this school so I can finally emerge the full-blooded Dragon I was always meant to be. The biggest Dragon Stranahan has ever seen.

"I dream for I am a dreamer."

I will put all I can put into this production. I will put all I can put into my credits. There is nothing that can stop me. I will have to cut some dead weight, but I think I can make it.

Too much questioning...

 Over the past couple of days, I've done something that I've never done before in a decent relationship. I began to question the status based on the actions of my significant other... is would I would write if I was writing an entry in Wikipedia. But I'm not. I began to question my relationship with Deanna.

I feel that what's been going on with her and Cody goes beyond harmless flirting (which I, myself am guilty of from time to time) and got to the level of her not putting her full emotional effort into this relationship, which isn't bad unless that effort is going to someone else.

Now, I should write this down just to have a permanent log of the events that's happened in the past few days, in case my memory fails me (as it tends to) some time in the future once (WHEN, not IF) this subject comes back up again. I'll also be sure to send this to Cody, so I can explain me being a dick to him on Myspace (which wasn't unwarranted).

Cody constantly flirts with Deanna. Fine. Not a problem. Everyone is guilty of harmless flirting, as I've already said. Everyone. When it gets to a point where a third party (in this case, Cody) gets too involved to the point where he believes he has a chance with MY GIRLFRIEND (!!!), that's where I believe I need to step in and do something about it... Which I know I'm going to endure a few death threats to get to the bottom of what's going on.

Here's what I've come up with so far:

Cody believes he has a chance with Deanna, even when Deanna and I are right in the middle of our own happy little relationship. Why? I believe I may be paranoid, but what is Deanna saying to Cody that's making him believe this? What is going on between them that Deanna is keeping so secret that she gets upset with me if I so much as view her Myspace profile?

I thought I was above the typical high-school-drama, but I guess this is what I have to resort to.

I know Cody is a smart guy. He's really deep, I've heard what he says about Deanna. He is NOT dumb enough to be able to think all the above mentioned if Deanna is telling him the things she says she's telling him.

This brings me to another point. Deanna sent me this IM:

brutal x kidd (11:37:52 PM): as a matter of fact,there is no other girl out there like me,and he can't get me.


When I sent that to Cody, he sounded as if he was surprised by it... like he thought something totally different. Deanna got upset at me for sending that to him, which was weird to me... Did he not know this beforehand?

To me, being emotionally involved with someone other than the person you're dating constitutes as cheating in my book.

Again, this is all speculation. I may be the most paranoid person in the world right now. I guess we'll find out soon.

EDIT: I was wrong. I'm just a jealous, pathetic loser. Why am I so paranoid?

I've been answered!

So these next couple of days, I'm not going to be sitting on my ass. I'll be over at Stranahan getting some community service hours before school starts. Mr. Buck says if I keep going until school starts, I should be all set for community service for my senior year. Now, all I have to worry about is getting my obligations in check.

I'm just glad I'm not sitting on my ass all the time now. So today is Friday.

Friday: Stranahan
Saturday: Auditions / Deanna
Sunday: Nothing
Monday - Thursday: Stranahan
Friday: Errands with my mother
Saturday: Chris / Deanna
Sunday: Nothing.

I think I'm good for this week. :)

That's about it. If anything interesting happens today, I'll be sure to write about it here.

Ugh... I was wrong.

I don't think this "new beginning" thing really came to me as I thought it did. I mean, sure, I got all the ideas and what not, but there hasn't been any opportunities that's come along to help me get back on my feet - something to motivate me to start doing something.

So what have I been doing? Let's see, Maple Story ALL night, until probably about 7, 7:30 in the morning, then sleep until 6:45 in the evening. Some new beginning, eh?

I haven't spoken to anyone except for Chris these past couple of days. My back and neck are downright KILLING me, and I constantly feel like I need to take a shower because I ALWAYS feel dirty. Perhaps my subconscious is trying to tell me something.

Well, I don't really have anything to update on, so I'm going to go back on MapleStory. It's my only release for the moment.

Crap...

So I've completely messed up my sleeping schedule, when right about now, I should be worrying about getting it back to normal, what with school coming up. Last night at around 1, I went down to Chris' house, and we watched The Hills Have Eyes 2, Wasabi (GREAT FOREIGN MOVIE), and Clerks 2. All that while he was playing Maple Story, glitch PQing (which is a great invention, by the way).

I'm going to end up paying Chris some money to get my warrior up to lv 30 with 1mil. That way, I don't have to worry about it, and I can be doing better, more productive things with my time... like cleaning... and worrying about my credits, which are behind at the moment. Mental note: I need to take an online class my senior year.

I haven't been seeing James around lately, he's been working late. He goes to work in the afternoon, which is good news for me, because I'm not awake by the time he goes to work, so I don't have to see him until about 1 in the morning, which isn't a huge problem with me. I like it when he's not around. My mom hates it when I say that, but it's the honest to god truth. Whenever he's around, he makes the vibe so awkward. He's so silent when he's around my mom, and that makes my mom silent, and she turns into "super-mom" around me, barking orders for no reason.

She does that when anyone is around, barking orders, to make it look like she's a decent mother. Don't get me wrong, I love my mother to death, and we have a great relationship, but I think she thinks that barking orders at your son makes you look like a better mother than you are. So anyway, despite James living with us for several months, she still thinks she needs to impress him, which is nothing but bad news for me.

Another thing about James is that he makes her buy shit food at the grocery store, and he hides the drinks from me as if I'm some fat cow who eats everything.

Let me give you a few examples of the irony here...
- He drank 2 liters of pepsi (for all of us) in a week
- He eats all the bread
- He has seconds and thirds at dinner when my mother barks at me when I even THINK of seconds
- He eats my freaking ramen... - 'nuff said.

I made it painfully clear of my diet plan for my senior year, yet he still acts like I'm some pig who never leaves his room... not that the 'room' part is far from the truth, I stick to my bedroom when he's around. He doesn't know what I'm like when he's not around. I just don't like hanging around with him, he's awkward and silent.

He's not mean, don't get the wrong idea of the man. He's silent, you can never understand what he's talking about (he mumbles), he HATES confrontation***, and he's a Star Wars geek to the third power. I mean, he has Star Wars toys in display all over the house. I mean, I feel sorry for the man, honestly. I have a real soft spot for grown men who act like children. It depresses the hell out of me.

When I say he HATES confrontation, I mean it. I flipped out on him because he drove my mother home drunk from a party one day, and he completely closed up on me. He went into the room, and locked himself in the bathroom for a while. He said he was throwing up. Bullcrap, he does it all the time. It's really hard to stay mad at the man because I feel so sorry for him. Really.

Anyway, not too much else is going on at the moment. When something remotely interesting happens, I'll be sure to update.